It was over when he got out the wig

Hiya readers!  I'm back from my Christmas vacation at the cottage.  There's not much going on in my dating life at the moment, so I'm bringing you a really bad date story from the archives.  (Not an actual archive, since this blog is only a few months old -- I mean the archives of my life.) 

This one goes back to 2006.  I was new to Toronto, fresh-faced and ready to begin a Masters degree.  Let me tell you a story of a small-town girl and her first date in the Big City.  It's also, coincidentally, about the time I dated a drag queen.  (Trust me, you're going to want to keep reading.)

'Single girl' undies

Since it's Christmas, I thought I would write a post related to the holidays.  And since I ALWAYS get underwear for Christmas, that's what I'm going to write about. 

The other day I was asked if I've invested in some "single girl underwear" now that I'm dating again.  This was confusing at first because I've been single for quite some time, and since no one sees my gitch but me, it tends to be more on the 'comfortable and lived-in' end of the scale.  What my friend was asking though, was whether I had some sexy, lacy, uncomfortable, 'just in case' lingerie for if one of these dates goes really well.

Second date was great!

Hiya readers!  I can't believe it's nearly Christmas.  Things are finally winding down at work and I was able to squeeze in a second date with Josh.  We went to Futures Bakery because someone told me the Oreo cheesecake was to die for. 

Josh is compulsively early.  If possible, he likes to be 30 minutes early for absolutely everything.  He's completely upfront about this quirk, and he apologizes for it, but I don't see a problem -- it's not like I'm the one sitting around for half an hour.

Is it a date if it's less than 5 minutes?

Well I met Sam the lawyer.  He was really busy today, apparently, so he suggested he swing by my place on his way to a dinner party.  When he said it would be a quick hello, he wasn't kidding.  He pulled up to my building, I got in his car, we exchanged a few words, I met his dog in the backseat, and then I got out.  The whole thing lasted about as long as a commercial break.

So my first impression of Sam is that he seems nice, looks a bit younger than his age (37), and is obviously really busy.  Also, he thought I had traces of an English accent -- WTF?  Anyway, I have no idea what's next in terms of meeting him again.

I will see Josh again though!  We're going for dessert Wednesday night around 9.  I'm ordering the Oreo cheesecake and I'll probably eat THE WHOLE PIECE.  Stay tuned!

Finally, a good date!

Tonight I met Josh for coffee.  Josh is interesting because he was a highschool teacher who then decided to try a music career as a guitar player in some kind of Australian Christian rock band.  Now he's in Toronto taking a break from the rockstar lifestyle and figuring out his next move. 

Going into my date tonight I was a bit worried Josh was going to sound like the Crocodile Hunter and I was going to either laugh at his funny accent, or have a hard time understanding it.  Thankfully he didn't have that strong an accent -- it was very pleasant actually!

Feeling the love

Hiya readers!  I don't have much to report today.  Last night I was at an engagement party for my favourite couple in the world.  There was so much love in that room!  The last time I was in a crowd with that much emotion was when my entire family watched The Christmas Shoes.  (If you've seen it, you totally get it.)

Anyway, I'm headed out of town after work for a night of tv and movies with my fellow single gals Muffy and Deb.  I love sweatpants on a Friday night!

Saturday night I'm meeting Josh the Aussie musician for coffee, and Sunday afternoon I'm meeting Sam the criminal lawyer.  I'll be sure to catch you up on those dates!

My date with Tim

You know what I realized?  I've gone out with a lot of Tims.  There was one in university, one when I first moved to Toronto, the epic jerk from the summer, and now last night's Tim.  I just thought that was interesting because I don't think 'Tim' is a really common name.  (I can't be bothered to research this, so feel free to correct me.)

Unlike the previous Tim, this one wasn't a jerk at all.  That's what won me over actually -- even though I wasn't attracted to him in his profile pictures, he seemed like a really sweet guy.  I'm trying not to be the kind of superficial b*tch that passes up a chance at love because of someone's looks.  I know there has to be some attraction if a relationship is going to work.  Physical attraction isn't something you can force -- it's either there or it's not.  But I also know from experience that sometimes the more you get to know someone, the more attractive they become in your eyes.  That's the thought that led me to Snakes and Lattes last night to meet Tim, the man with the really unfortunate (and slightly lesbionic) haircut.

Sam the super-direct texter

Normally when I send text messages, I include too much.  I'm maybe a bit wordy, and I never use short-forms like 2 or U.  I'm old-school -- I write out the actual word, thank you very much.  This is the exact opposite of Sam the criminal lawer.  He responds at the speed of light with the most direct and succinct answer possible.  I've tried to adapt to his communication style a bit, but the speed and efficiency gives me whiplash.

Below is an actual text message exchange that happened yesterday.

Meet Jonah... He likes photography, theatre, and live ammunition

The other day I talked about how online dating can bring two people together that would likely never meet by chance in real life -- Bill the gator hunter is a great example of this.  Over the weekend, another great example came through my inbox.

Jonah is 33 and living in Toronto.  Some of his interests include the performing arts, outdoor activities and sports, and most recently, photography.  He has that 'boy next door' look that I've always liked, and he even does volunteer work -- so clearly he's a better person than me.  The only thing that doesn't fit is that he lists his occupation as "well, right now I get shot at a lot."

Lavalife - for people who don't know any better

First off, my apologies for a really light blog this past week.  It's been busier at work than normal, and also Charlie, my parents' dog, was quite sick and I had to dogsit out of town.  (Charlie has since made a full recovery, and is back to biting my dad when he tries to move her from 'his' spot on the couch.)  This week is still going to be busy at work, but not as bad -- don't people know they're supposed to slow down as Christmas approaches?  Geez.

Before I review Lavalife, here's a quick update.  I had to reschedule my date with Tim (with the lesbian haircut) to tomorrow evening, so stay tuned for that.  Also, it's looking like I'll be meeting Josh the musician this week, if our schedules can accomodate.  Another fun fact about Josh -- he's Australian!  I'm definitely a sucker for a cute accent.  Also still texting with Sam the criminal lawyer. 

Dogsitting (from the next room)

Well it's been quite a week.  On Monday I found out that my parents' dog was sick and might not pull through.  This was really distressing for me because although I don't like all dogs, I really like THIS dog.  She's a 12 year old rescue dog that my parents adopted 2 years ago, and she isn't above biting you if you do something she doesn't like.  But she likes me and doesn't bite me, so we've definitely bonded.

On Wednesday night I headed to my parents' place, in case Charlie the dog didn't make it through the week.  I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived, but whatever steroids they gave the dog have totally worked and now she is back to normal!  Except for one thing...

The Gator Hunter

Every once in a while I get a message or 'wink' from someone that I think I would never go out with in a million years.  Distance is the obvious reason why not, but I'm also talking about guys whose personalities are the exact opposite of who I would get along with.  And not just relationship-wise -- I'm talking about people who are so different from me and have such different priorities in life that I don't even think I'd want to be their friend. 

And then sometimes you run across someone who is so different that you want to be their friend just for the sheer novelty of it...

Who's who? A cheat sheet...

Hello lovely readers!  I know I've been throwing a lot of names at you, so here's a quick recap of people I'm exchanging messages with.  With any luck, messages will turn into actual dates!

Tim -- planning to meet him tomorrow.  He's the one with the really unfortunate haircut.  (This haircut looks amazing on my friend Michelle, but less so on a man.)  The plan is to meet for coffee.

Jeremy -- Remember him?  I mentioned him last week.  He's the older gentleman (38) who sent me funny emails about cereal.  As far as I know he's dropped off the earth.  Next!

Sam -- Here's a new name for you.  He's 33, and a criminal lawyer.  I get the impression he's some sort of big deal.  (Everything I know about lawyers I learned from movies...should I be worried about this guy?)  Also he has the ability to say exactly what me means with each sentence, which is sort of amazing.  I'm a bit like that too, I think. 

Josh -- Just started emailing him.  He's 28 and a musician.  He's given up on making it big and is now looking for an actual career.  No idea in what though.

Ok that's all for now!

Answers to 'Name that Hipster'

Did you guess yet?  Click here to go back to Friday's post and write down your guesses.  This contest was a tribute to Hipster Kyle, without whom I wouldn't have had that amazing, trainwreck of a date.

If you're reading this and you're not sure what a hipster is -- Hi mom and dad! -- Click here for the Urban Dictionary definition.

And now the answers!

My date with Joseph had no pulse

I just got back from meeting Joseph, a 34 year old bank employee.  He explained what he does but I've got to be honest, I had a really hard time focusing on what he was saying -- he had a Michael Jackson voice.

What I couldn't tell was if Joseph was speaking that way out of timidity or shyness, or if that's actually his normal speaking voice.  The poor man was painfully shy.  He even walked shy.  (He's 6'4" but he was so hunched over that I would never have guessed.)  I've dated shy men before, but not to the extent that they couldn't make any eye contact.  I think there's a difference between shy with confidence, and shy without, and Joseph was clearly the latter. 

Friday contest: Name that hipster!

Last Friday's matching game was a bit tricky I think.  This week I've saved some pictures and quotes from some really amazing hipster guys -- in honour of my train-wreck of a date with hipster Kyle.  Click here for a refresher of how that went down.

Meet this week's bachelors:

     1.  BackflipsMcGee:  "I can dance provocatively if the right music is playing."
     2.  Harry_Lime:  "I dislike coffee. And tea."
     3.  Gashlycrumbling:  "I believe in hand-written letters."
     4.  like_bike83:  "I could never do without my records and my pot."
     5.  Colivar:  "I am a nerd of all trades, master of none."
     6.  JimminyCricket:  "I'm a spoon-bending interactive design student."

Food for thought

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Derek.  Not only is the guy good company, but he can always be counted on to order dessert.  (It's my favourite course.)  It occurred to me last night, while I was stuffing my face, that if I had been on a date with him, I would have ordered a completely different meal.

For one thing, when I'm on a date I try to order 'girly' food -- something with vegetables.  I'm not a salad fan so for me this usually means a stir fry or pasta.  This is to give my date the illusion that I make an effort to be healthy, even though I would probably prefer to be eating steak and mashed potatoes.  (A stir fry is something I'm likely to make at home, but never a steak.  If a real chef is cooking, of course I'd want the steak!)