This guy takes the cake

You might be wondering why the sudden push to start online dating.  The simple answer is that I just wasn't meeting guys in my day to day life.  Sure I've had friends try to set me up, but the results of that have always ended up in disaster.  This is one such disaster from this past summer.

I don't remember the exact day this date took place, but it was right in the middle of the worst heat wave Toronto has ever seen.  I had a date with Tim the statistician, a set up from a particularly keen matchmaker.  My main objectives during this dinner date were to be charming, flirty, and to avoid sweating into my dinner.  (I'm definitely one of those girls that sweats.  I don't 'glow' like some lucky bitches.)

I arrive at the Italian restaurant in the lightest possible cotton dress.  I don't even think I wore a bra, it was that hot.  I open the door and Tim is there in full on pants, a dress shirt, and some kind of sweater.  A f*cking sweater!  What's worse, he wants to forgo the air conditioning in the restaurant and sit out on the patio.  I tried not to immediately hate him. 

Let's get one thing straight.  Tim was not a small man by any means.  And as we all know, larger people are prone to overheating - myself included.  So there we are, on the patio, drinking wine (him) and iced tea (me), and trying not to drip sweat into our lasagna.  It wasn't pretty.  Several times I had to resist the temptation to mop my face and neck with my cloth napkin.  I tried to keep it classy, but it was a struggle.  It was also a struggle for poor Tim, who seemed to get warmer and warmer with each glass of wine.  (I stuck to iced tea, just for the record.  This will matter later.)

As for how the date was going, it was pretty bland.  I was having a hard time feigning interest in whatever he was saying because I was so intent on staying hydrated.  When the bill finally came I threw down a few $20s and headed to the washroom, fully expecting some change on my return.  (I left enough for my own part of the bill, which was way smaller than his part because I didn't drink.)

I started to head back to the table but Tim intercepted me at the hostess station.  Clearly the bill had been settled and there was no change for me.  I've just paid more than half, which seems totally unfair because he had 3 glasses of wine.  I'm a bit miffed, but whatever.  Then we start walking back to where he was parked.  Normally a walk after dinner is pleasant, but let's just remember this was a heat wave.  By the time we got to his car I had soaked through my dress.

So there was are at his car and Tim turns to me and asks me how I think the date went.  I make a noise like, "errrr....mmm....uhhhh..."  Then he says he doesn't think we should pursue dating, but we should hang out sometime.  I'm relieved he said that, knowing full well we won't ever hang out.  His next words were surprising though...

"There's the streetcar.  Goodnight."

I'm pretty sure I made a face and then walked like a zombie toward the streetcar stop.  No ride home?  What??  But was on his way!!

And that's why I'm not sure I trust other people to set me up.  If Tim taught me anything, it's that I want to be in control of the people I go out with.  I want to be able to search a giant database and pick out people who seem gentlemanly, and normal, and who I'm attracted to...

And damn it, I want to be the one to decide whether we eat in air conditioning.