Excuse me sir, may I kick you in the nuts?

...This is what his face told me he thought I said.  But actually...

Yesterday I went to Walmart to pick up a couple of groceries.  They were out of baskets at the front door so I thought I'd just scoop up the few things I needed.  It was a short grocery list.  Unfortunately, I realized too late that although my grocery items were few, they were f*cking heavy!  I was standing in the '10 or less' line trying to wrangle two jugs of soy milk, a small case of diet coke, and a jumbo box of Shreddies.  My arms were about to collapse from fatigue.  Faced with the option of dropping it all on the floor, I asked the man in front of me if he would mind if I cut in.  He was only carrying some tupperware storage bins, and as he was built like an ox, I knew he wasn't having the same problem as me. 

"Excuse me sir, would you mind if I go next?  I don't think I can hold onto this much longer." 

...which was first met with incredulity.

...and then horror.

...and then contempt.

I mean, really?  This is a big deal?  I'm standing there with my arms visibly shaking and my hair stuck to my forehead in a sweaty hank.  A 21st century damsel in distress, just trying to make it back to the castle with the basic necessities of life -- damn right diet pop counts as a basic necessity.

Maybe I caught the guy on a bad day, but I'm pretty sure chivalry just died a little.

Dear Anonymous...

My last post about my date with Seth has been really contentious.  I've had some interesting responses, ranging from people who agree that you can't force attraction if you're not feeling it, through to people accusing me of being a mean, hypocritical c*nt.  The weird thing is, I don't disagree with any of them.

One of the comments that was posted to the site (as opposed to just being emailed in) was basically a blog post in itself.  Click here to go back and read it, because the following is a response to that post by Anonymous.

Anonymous, thank you for your incredibly thoughtful comments. There certainly is a lot to think about there. I think my approach to finding someone would probably be in line with what you've written, in that I try to be the best 'me' I can be and put that out into the world. And when someone does 'take the bait', that's when I hope for a spark between us that indicates a mutual physical attraction. (I've had this spark with men on both ends of the looks spectrum, so I'm quite sure the magic behind it goes beyond just appearances.)

As for ‘dating up’, I completely agree with you that it can be anxiety-provoking. I have a track record of being in relationships with men whom I would consider better-looking than me, but I was never insecure because I knew I brought other things to the table. My strengths were their weaknesses, and theirs mine. (So there were no homeless people or deadbeat choir members in the relationship.)

My date with Seth

Oh, readers.  I know you're all waiting to hear how my date with Seth went, because there was so much excitement going into it.  The problem is, now that I've met him, I just don't think I'm excited about him anymore. 

Is it possible for people to have great chemistry over the phone, only to have it fizzle in person?  Our phone conversations were amazing -- I learned that Seth is sweet, intelligent, and really funny.  On Saturday night it ended up that Seth was downtown for a party, and so was I, so we agreed to leave our parties around 11pm and meet up for a drink.  (We were going to get together last night, but I didn't want to make him drive into town a second night. And also I really wanted to watch the Oscars.)

So when I got to the pub I did a quick change in the bathroom, teased my hair a bit, and threw on some mascara.  (I knew I'd get there first because he had to find parking, which is always a nightmare downtown on a Saturday night.)  I ordered my usual cranberry and soda and tried not to be too excited.  I didn't want to get my hopes up, but after such great phone conversations, I admit I had a few butterflies.

This one seems promising!

Readers, I'm very excited to tell you about a guy I've been talking to lately.  I'm trying not to get too excited though, because with my luck I'll jinx it!  Cross your fingers for me that this one doesn't turn into a trainwreck. 

Here are some of his details.  His name is Seth, he's 33, he's a librarian, he lives in the suburbs (but not so far as to be a problem), and I think he's pretty good-looking.  He's kind of an interesting mix of brains and brawn.  He used to play football and rugby and looks like an enormous linebacker, and yet to talk to him on the phone he's really articulate and funny and has read a million books.

  "Dude, wasn't Chandler's use of metaphor in The Long Goodbye so perfectly indicative of the novel's theme?"

Seth is not into technology whatsoever, so he wanted nothing to do with instant messaging or texting.  After a few emails he asked if he could call me and I said yes.  Within two minutes of me sending that email, my phone rang.  It was kind of cute how excited he was to call.  We easily talked for hours, which is kind of amazing for a first conversation.

The only thing that goes in the 'negative' column for Seth -- and there are tons of plusses I think -- is that he lives in his mom's basement.  He is REALLY embarrassed about it, but I can see why he would choose to live at home.  For one, his mom is a widow, so maybe he didn't want her to feel lonely.  And for two, he appears to be saving up to do a Masters degree in September.  Based on that, I'm not judging him too harshly as a "Failure to launch" case.

We're supposed to meet on Sunday night for coffee or something.  I wish I'd remembered that the Oscars are on then.  Damn it!  But I don't want to reschedule, because I really can't wait to meet him in person.

There has to be a catch

Over the weekend I exchanged a few late-night emails with a guy who seemed really, really great.  He's tall, tanned, handsome, educated, and his profile is written in actual sentences and not 'lol-speak'.  Oh yeah, and he thinks I'm sexy.  So obviously, there has to be something wrong with him.

Online dating has made me cynical to the point where if a guy seems too good to be true, he absolutely, totally is.  I've been burned by this a bunch of times and in a bunch of different ways.  There were men who loved chatting online or on the phone for hours but could never meet in person -- a sure sign of a guy who's already in a relationship and just looking for some side-fun.  (Also, never trust a guy who won't give you his phone number.  And if he won't tell you his last name, he's a psychopath -- I know of which I speak.)

Mr. Forgetful

Hiya readers!  Happy long weekend!  I'm up at the cottage where it hasn't stopped snowing.  And guess who didn't bring snow boots.  (I caught the bus straight from work, so I was in ballet flats.  Foresight?  Not so much.)

Anyway, there's this guy on Plenty of Fish who has emailed me about 6 times -- about once a week.  Each time he writes, it's nearly the exact same message -- just your generic 'hey how are you' -- but there's no acknowledgement that he knows he's written me before. 

So what's going on?  Short term memory loss?  Or maybe he writes so many people that he can't recognize a familiar face?  It's kind of like that movie Memento, except this guy is nowhere near as sexy as Guy Pearce.

I'd put up with a LOT of forgetfulness from this guy.



Instead of writing back Mr. Forgetful, I think I'll continue to ignore him and see how many times he emails.  Should we take bets to see how many times he does it? 

Meet my Valentine

Yesterday at work was a total love-fest.  Deb brought in heart-shaped chocolates, Sean got roses from his partner, and Hilda's husband sent her a bouquet of pink something-or-others. 

When asked if I had Valentine's Day plans, I said yes -- I was going to the gym.  Anastasia and I were going to try zumba.  (Conclusion:  We were bored.  We both prefer bootcamp class.)

Anyway, when they asked me if I had a Valentine, I said yes!  Meet Toby the office shih tzu.  I bought his love with liver snaps and now I'm his favourite.  He's a bit deaf though, so to get him to come to me I have to stomp my foot and hold out food.  (Incidentally, this is also how I had to get my ex's attention when a hockey game was on.)

YES TOBY, I WILL BE YOUR VALENTINE!

A whole new level of asshole

It's times like this I wish I could think of a better word than 'asshole'.  Will the English guy just pulled the biggest asshole move I've seen yet.

We were supposed to see a movie tonight, and then go for dinner.  We were texting last night for a while, just chatting and talking about what movie to see.  I was going meet him outside the theater at 4:30, so at 4pm I texted him and asked him what his favourite movie snack is, so that I could pick it up on the way and sneak it in to the theatre.  Then he said he couldn't make it, and didn't I get his email?  I said I hadn't checked my email, and asked if he was ok.  Then I checked it:

Are men hibernating?

It seems since Christmas that I've been really unpopular with the guys online.  I haven't made a huge effort to go through a lot of profiles and email people, so I wasn't expecting lots of messages.  But for some reason, even the "hey u lets chat" messages (that are kind of the baseline standard for every woman on a dating site) have dried up.  I'm not even desirable to the undesirables!  This leads me to an idea...

Are men hibernating?  Have they gone off the dating grid in favour of watching sports on tv and staying in their man-caves?  I wonder if there's a psychological shift that happens between Christmas and springtime where the idea of being coupled up takes a backseat to the idea of curling up on the couch. 

First day at the new job

Hiya readers!  I'm blogging to you today from my new office!  I'm now working for a really small IT company in the Yorkville area of Toronto.  (There is a lot of great shopping in this area, but I am neither classy nor rich enough to shop in most of the stores here.)  Today is going by really slowly because I'm just reading background information on the project I'm going to be put on next week.  YAWN.

The best part of my new job is that we can wear whatever we like (but not yoga pants) as long as we don't have client meetings.  Also, people here tend to work from 9:30 or 10am until 6pm.  AMAZING.  (Anyone who has worked with me knows that getting anywhere by 9 is damn near impossible, and nobody ever schedules me for anything before 10am if they actually want my full attention.)

In dating news, last Thursday I met Will the Englishman for lunch.  It was a nice meal with great conversation, though I wouldn't exactly say there were fireworks.  Neither of us is naturally flirty, so it will take a few dates to figure out if there is a connection.  We definitely have the same sense of humour though, so that's a good start!  I think we're meeting for dinner this Wednesday.  I'll keep you posted.

After work today I'm headed to cardio bootcamp.  My ass hurts just thinking about it.

It's my birthday!

Well readers, I'm 29 today.  I woke up not feeling any older or wiser, so...yeah.  Just to make sure my looks didn't go overnight, I made sure to take full stock of myself in the bathroom mirror this morning.  No wrinkles yet, but holy f*ck my pores are HUGE!  At this rate, by the time I'm 60 I'll be able to store loose change in my face.  (After I post this, I'm going to look into overpriced potions at Sephora.)

I'm feeling pretty good about my life at 29.  I'm starting a new job on Monday that comes with an awesome raise, so I think my career is on track.  I won a gym membership for the year, so I'm getting more healthy and fit.  And also, they finally found proof that I have gallstones, so now my doctor can stop accusing me of being an alcoholic, and I can get the damn thing removed.  Things are looking up!

As for how my online dating experiment is going, it's harder than I thought.  I kind of lost momentum and let dating take a back seat while I was winding down at my old job.  So that's why the blog has been a bit slow lately.  I'm not really communicating with anyone apart from Will the Englishman.  (We had lunch today, but that will be its own post!)

This is an exciting year so far!  I'm feeling really good about 2012, and looking forward to being 29.  This is my year to shine!