Bye bye gallbladder!

If you know me, you know that I've been complaining about my gallbladder for about 2 years.  (I know that some of you had to suffer through a lot of whining, and for that I'm mostly sorry.)  But as of tomorrow night, I will be free of it at last!  My surgery is scheduled for the morning, and I'll be home and on awesome drugs by dinnertime.  I'll be out of town at my parents' place recuperating, likely high as a kite, so I won't blog again until next week.

And speaking of the parents, it turns out that bad gallbladders run in my family.  Tons of relatives have already had this surgery, so it's no big deal.  As far as I can tell, you can live normally and eat normally pretty soon after surgery.  Thank God!  It's barbecue season!

Check out that picture.  Who knew something so small could cause so much pain?

Wish me luck!  I'll be back next week, with one fewer vestigial organ.

My date with Finn

Hiya readers!  Ok, so let's talk about my date with Finn.  We met last Thursday night after his baseball game -- it was about 11pm by the time he got to my place.  As he was on his way up from the parking garage I tried to sneak a look at him in the security monitor.  His pictures were really good on OkCupid so I had my fingers crossed that he was as handsome in person.  When he stepped off the elevator I formed an immediate first impression based on these thoughts:

• Holy crap he's a giant!  I guess "6'8" on his profile wasn't a typo after all.
• Is it my imagination or does he look a bit like The Situation?  Maybe a little -- but no six-pack, tan, or douche-vibe.
• Dear Lord, I need to burn that shirt.

All of those thoughts happened in about 3 seconds, then I gave him a big hug -- on tiptoes, obviously.  We decided to walk along King Street until a bar caught our fancy.  Finn is a really chatty guy, so conversation was light and breezy.

Quick dating update

Hi readers!  I'm going to make this brief, but I've been asked to do a bit of a summary of some of the guys I've mentioned over the past little while.  (Not that there's a lineup forming to meet me or anything.)  Here goes:

Steve the boot guy -- Starts a new job in Atlanta next week, so no plans to meet.  We rarely even say hello over skype, so the book's now closed on this guy.

Shawn from speed dating -- A total flake.  Texts occasionally but can't seem to make a firm plan to meet.  Not interested.

Nikola from speed dating -- Would have been interested to meet, but our emails tapered off.  Probably won't hear from him again.

And now there's a new guy to tell you about!  His name is Finn and we found each other on OkCupid.  We're meeting for a drink tonight after his baseball game.  What I know about him so far is that he's nearly 30, lives just north of the city, and is a case worker for the welfare office.  He has one of those jobs that must be extremely difficult and emotionally draining at times.  (I know I couldn't do it.)  Also, he seems really into sports.  Even bowling!  As the world's worst bowler, I secretly hope he never suggests we play.  (I hate bowling.)

Since Finn is driving down after his baseball game, he was worried he wouldn't smell good.  He sent me a text message this afternoon explaining that he wouldn't want me to get the wrong impression, and that his baseball shoes don't 'breathe'.  I wrote back that I can't judge -- I have a few pairs of ballet flats make my feet stink for the same reason.  He then responded with, "This conversation is getting pretty hot."  Gotta like a guy with a sense of humour!  Full date report coming soon...

My contribution to science

I really wasn't sure if I should write this post, because it definitely falls into the category of "Too Much Information".  But, as with most things that have been happening to me lately, this story was too funny not to share.  Just a heads-up though, in case there are any men who read this blog -- this post is about the kind of doctor visit that no woman looks forward to, and I'm going to make mention of 'down there'.  Cool?  Cool.

Yesterday while showering I found a lump in a private area.  Is there anything more terrifying?  I don't think so!  I probably spent a good hour afterward trying to further investigate, maneuvering mirrors and lamps in countless ways, but without success.  (What am I, a gymnast?)  Anyway, time to call the doctor.

Funny thing about doctors.  As soon as you tell them you found something strange crop up in a private place, they can't wait to get you in to see someone.  I called at 2pm and had an appointment for 7.  According to Rose the receptionist, they prioritize the 'down there' cases in an attempt to stem the flow of any sexually-transmitted epidemics.  Honestly, by the time Rose hung up I felt like I was patient 0 of some kind of scary new STI.

In a brief moment of panic I began googling pictures of all the STIs I could remember from grade 10 health class.  What did I learn?  I learned that NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO SEE THAT.  F*ck you, Rose!  And also, you pretty much have to have sex to catch anything.  So...  Moving on.

Fitness Singles

A while ago a reader emailed in and asked if I'd tried the dating site FitnessSingles.com.  I wrote back and said that no, I haven't checked it out, but I would register and then review it -- all in the name of research!  (This was like 3 months ago, and I'm only just writing about it now.)  Of course, me going on a fitness site is a bit of a laugh in itself.  I mean, yes I do bootcamp classes a few times a week, but I am far from 'fit'.  (Between us, I think I need to lose like 50 pounds.  But I can still rock a cocktail dress!)

So I made a profile, just to check out the site.  Unlike most sites, this one will ask you for your exact height and weight -- thankfully there's a "rather not say" option in the drop-down menu.  On a fitness site though, that's pretty much code for "I'm fat but I don't want you to know how fat."  I also had to indicate 3 sports or activities that I participate in, and my proficiency level for each.  I picked skiing, golf, and aerobics -- I couldn't figure out if bootcamp should count as 'aerobics' or 'weight lifting', but after a quick search of the women's profiles, women who indicated 'weight lifting' as their activity kind of looked like the East German swim team, so I went with 'aerobics'.  The rest of the profile questions were completely ordinary, and I wrote the same blurb I write on all sites:  "I work in IT, I like dogs, blah blah blah."  At this point I could write a dating profile in my sleep.

So three months later, it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I'm not exactly popular on this site.  I'm just not what these guys are looking for, and I totally get that.  I think if you want to be a success on this dating site, you have to post a picture of yourself in tight, yoga clothes.  Or a bikini.  It's basically a dating site for hot athletes, is what I'm saying.  You'll see a lot of guys like this:

Not exactly hard on the eyes, right?  Unfortunately none of these men emailed me.  Here's who did:

Yeah, this site isn't for me.  I can't attract anyone younger than 50.  (And/or, closeted gays?  Anyone else getting that vibe from bachelors 1 and 4?  Maybe it's just me.)

Anyway, I'm just glad I didn't have to pay to browse this site.  You do have to be a paying member to read the emails you get though.  So if you're a hot, fitness maven, I'd love your review!  Has anyone out there joined FitnessSingles.com?

Please tell me this has happened to you

You know how they say that a butterfly flapping its wings in Canada can cause a tsunami in Japan or whatever?  (I'm pretty sure Ashton Kutcher said this.)  Well I totally had one of those days.  It all started with a misaligned lid on my afternoon mochaccino.  It bugs me when the mouth spout of the lid opens over the seam of the cup, so I tried to swivel it around.  Unfortunately the lid was on tighter than I thought, and my hands fumbled.  On any other day, with my usual reflexes, the cup and its foamy contents would have dropped to the ground.  Today though, I was like a ninja -- I caught the cup alright, but upside down.  I looked like the victim of a drive-by wet T-shirt contest.

I stood there a minute letting what had happened sink in.  I mean literally -- my bra was acting as a giant DD-cup sponge.  I didn't have time to go home and change before choir practice, so I came up with a game plan.  Hop on the subway and hit up Walmart for a fresh set of clothes.  It's right next to where we rehearse, and I only would only have to sit in my own mess for a few subway stops.  Off I went.

Disappearing act

Hello lovelies!  Wasn't the weather amazing today?  I treated myself to a mani-pedi and a frozen yogurt.  I started out in such a good mood!

But then my mood hit a bit of a snag.  Last night I exchanged emails with a guy on plenty of fish who seemed really amazing.  He said his name was Alex, 29 year old, an accountant, who lives downtown.  Nothing out of the ordinary, right?  So he gave me his number and I said I'd call him this afternoon to meet for a drink.  Fast forward to me calling him... and the number didn't work!  I was given a fake number!

"The number you have dialed is not in service."

I called him on it and he said he was having some trouble with his phone.  I suggested we should still meet after dinner, because we don't live far from each other, and then *POOF*.  All of a sudden his messages and his profile disappeared from view.  So what happened?  He blocked me.

This is an example of someone who goes online, creates a profile, and has absolutely no intention of meeting anyone in person.  He's a dating site creeper.  There could be many reasons... maybe he's married, or an old dude trying to chat with younger women.  Or maybe the creeper is a woman!  There's no way to know.

The surefire way to suss out a creeper is to insist on meeting them in person.  You demand a first and last name, and a phone number, and then you make plans to meet in some public place.  Not too much to ask at all, right?  There was a time when I was naive and far too trusting of those 'people' I met online -- which ended in me feeling like an idiot for having wasted my time.  Readers, please learn from my mistakes and don't trust anyone until you get DETAILS.  You can definitely meet some fantastic people on dating sites, but if someone seems too good to be true, well, they probably are.

The Studious Serb

I've had a few email exchanges with Nikola from speed dating.  Here's what I know about him so far.  He did his PhD in something computery and is now studying for a certification in Financial Risk.  (What kind of career path is that?)  Anyway, I don't have much to report except that he seems really nice and I'd love to meet him when he finds time for a study break.  Also, he's really into astrology.  He's a Gemini and I'm an Aquarius and apparently we're a match made in the stars.

Does anyone actually believe this stuff?  In your experience, does astrology have it right when it comes to compatibility?  As a scientist, I have a hard time believing it has any merit, and yet when I read the description for Aquarians it does seem to fit.  Thoughts?

Stee-rike 1!

You guys, I have a problem with people who say they'll call you up to go out, and then they don't.  I like to know what I'm doing, and when, and with whom.  So when Shawn (from speed dating) called me on Saturday afternoon and asked me to coffee on Sunday, I expected some follow-through.  After all, the plans were for the next day -- not much room there to flake out.  He said he'd call when he was finished his errands and then head to my neighborhood to meet up.  I didn't have an exact time, but I didn't need one.

Sidenote:  My only plans yesterday included watching movies on the couch, drinking Nyquil and blowing my nose.  I have a cold, and when I'm sick I tend to hibernate.  I'm not one of those troopers who will suck it up and get on with life -- I deal with illness by taking myself right to bed.

So Sunday afternoon rolls around and no call from Shawn.  I was kind of relieved because I didn't want to meet him all germy, but then I was annoyed.  Stee-rike 1!  I can't say I'm really interested in Shawn, so I'm not disappointed if I never hear from him again.  It was more that I think he's quite a character, and would have made funny blog material.

Me being me, I couldn't just leave it be.  I had to know what happened!  So I sent him a text saying like, "Busy day?  ;)"  and put in the wink to imply that he must have had a busy day because he totally forgot about me.  He texted right back and said we'll definitely figure out some other time.

Uh huh.  Sure we will.  (I won't be waiting with baited breath.)