Dear Anonymous...

My last post about my date with Seth has been really contentious.  I've had some interesting responses, ranging from people who agree that you can't force attraction if you're not feeling it, through to people accusing me of being a mean, hypocritical c*nt.  The weird thing is, I don't disagree with any of them.

One of the comments that was posted to the site (as opposed to just being emailed in) was basically a blog post in itself.  Click here to go back and read it, because the following is a response to that post by Anonymous.

Anonymous, thank you for your incredibly thoughtful comments. There certainly is a lot to think about there. I think my approach to finding someone would probably be in line with what you've written, in that I try to be the best 'me' I can be and put that out into the world. And when someone does 'take the bait', that's when I hope for a spark between us that indicates a mutual physical attraction. (I've had this spark with men on both ends of the looks spectrum, so I'm quite sure the magic behind it goes beyond just appearances.)

As for ‘dating up’, I completely agree with you that it can be anxiety-provoking. I have a track record of being in relationships with men whom I would consider better-looking than me, but I was never insecure because I knew I brought other things to the table. My strengths were their weaknesses, and theirs mine. (So there were no homeless people or deadbeat choir members in the relationship.)

You might be right that I'm in no position to be choosy. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I know that. But I'd rather be single forever than settle for less than a spark. In the past I've met really wonderful men that I thought I should be interested in because they had a long list of great qualities (just like Seth), but I couldn't force the attraction part. In the end I realized that the spark is either there or it isn't, and you can't force it. Maybe it’s pheromones? I don’t know.

I guess I should finally answer your question: Would I date the male equivalent of me? Yes and no. Seth was pretty darn close. Maybe too close. Looking at Seth was like looking in a mirror and having the one thing I’m insecure about be the only thing I could see. What I couldn’t accept about him was the exact thing I’ve never been able to accept about myself. I'm working on it though. Maybe someday when I've accepted my own love handles I'll stop noticing everyone else's. I'd like that.

So that's my response.  I thought it was a bit long to stick in a comment box.  It's rare for me to be so insightful -- yes, this counts as insightful for me -- so I owe Anonymous a thank you for making me sort out a few feelings. 

That's enough feeling for now though.  The next post is going to be decidedly fluffy.  I'm working on reviewing the dating site Fitness-Singles.com, at the request of a reader, so you can probably imagine how that's going.  Full report coming soon!