What happened in Vegas - Part 2

Friday

Friday was our first full day on vacation, and we certainly made the most of it!  I woke up at 7am, wide awake and a bit chatty.  I bounced on the bed a bit so Muffy would wake up and as soon as I saw one eye open I was all, "Oh are you awake? Me too!  What are we going to do today?  What are you going to wear?  What do you want for breakfast? BLAH BLAH BLAH".  I tried to speak quietly so that I wouldn't wake up Cece in the next bed, but again -- my famous stage whisper.  (Sorry Cece.)  This scene began what would become our morning routine:  I would get up to pee at 7, then Muffy would wake up and have to pee, I'd blather on for about 45 minutes, and then we'd go back to sleep until 10.

This morning was only slightly different because we had to wake up in time for our 9:30am pedicures.  (We're so spoiled.)  Both me and Muffy were feeling a bit embarrassed about our disgusting winter feet, but my main concern was that they would attempt to exfoliate my soles and then my blisters would explode in someone's face.  We went to the little salon in the basement of the Flamingo, which was kind of on par with one of those little Asian nail outposts on King Street.

They immediately knew we were Canadian from our accents.  (What accent?)  The woman who did my nails was named Lisa.  What a character!  She sort of reminded me of a middle-aged, heavy-set Janeane Garofalo.  When she saw the bottoms of my feet she completely freaked out -- apparently she is diabetic and so worries a lot about feet.  She did however give me a good tip:  Go to Macy's and get the Nike sandals with the gel insoles because they're on sale and they'll be better for my feet than flip flops.  (In retrospect I could kiss her for that advice!)


Muffy and I left the spa with very pretty toes.  There's no way I'm taking a picture of my hobbit feet and putting it on the web, so I'll just say that my toes are now the colour of pink popsicles.

Next on the agenda was... shopping, of course!  We decided to walk up the strip to Fashion Show Mall.  I acted all tough and said of course I could walk there.  Also, there was a Walgreens on the way where I could get special blister bandaids.  And off we went!

When we got as far as Harrah's, my feet exploded.  I was standing at a cross-walk in a puddle of warm goo (yuck!).  When I saw a man with a Walgreens bag I practically lunged at him asking where it was and how far-- I was desperate!  He reeked of beer but was helpful enough to mumble something and point to a building nearby.  We found the Walgreens and I tried to doctor my feet but it didn't work.  They were too gooey for the bandaids to stick properly.  I had to suck it up and soldier on toward the mall.  (Ok, maybe I didn't soldier.  I more likely whined and limped my way to the mall, about ten feet behind everyone else.  To hell with stoicism.)

My first shopping destination was Macy's.  A lovely sales associate named David (an English ex-pat) sat me in a chair and brought me a mountain of cushy sandals.  They were not as cute as the ones I had packed to wear, and were a bit orthopedic in styling, but it was a MAJOR improvement and I was able to wear them out of the store.  (Also, they matched my nail polish and bathing suit, so I had to buy them, obvs.)

Ahhh, that's better.

Next stop, Forever 21.  (Yes, I traveled across the continent to shop at a store that's in walking distance to my apartment.)  I bought a blue sundress.

Muffy was really excited to check out the new Top Shop store, but it was really disappointing.  Unless you like acid wash jean jackets and sequined tube tops.  (What are people over there in the UK thinking?)  While in Top Shop I realized that I had accidentally shoplifted a pair of earrings from Forever 21.  I'd put them in my purse while I tried on the dress, and then totally forgot about them.  I ran up to Muffy and wheezed "Oh my god I'm such a criminal!" which is exactly what you should never yell in the U.S. -- if TV has taught us anything, it's that everyone in America has a gun.  And a spare gun in their sock.

Anyhoo, after shopping we changed for the pool.  I was a bit worried that I'd look like someone's eccentric aunt in my retro one-piece suit and my giant straw hat.  There was no point in worrying.  OF COURSE I looked like that, in a sea of bronzed 20-somethings in string bikinis.  Sigh.

Muffy!  Pass the SPF 90!

While at the pool I tried to nap, but my plans were thwarted by some drunk guys trying to pick up Muffy and Cece.  It turns out they were also from Canada -- one was named John A. MacDonald in fact!  I hoped they'd go away so I played dead.  It didn't work so I sat up and tried to give them my best bitch face.  (It went unnoticed.)  Apparently while I pretended to sleep, Muffy had consumed half a bottle of wine.  (Not her fault -- seriously generous poolside portions!)  I nearly had to piggyback her up to the room.

Somewhere on the walk home from the mall, Lulu must have run into an event planner and put us on the VIP list for Tao nightclub at the Venetian.  I was less than excited about dancing on my open wounds, but I decided I'd have a sporting chance of having fun as long as I wore my new orthopedic sandals.  I was a bit disappointed though, because I'd brought really amazing stripper heels for the occasion.

Where am I going to wear these if not Vegas?

In an attempt to hide my feet I wore a maxi dress.  Which, let's be honest, compared to what everyone else in the nightclub was wearing, might as well have been a burqa.  I scouted a spot on a bench and decided to people-watch.  It was unbelievable!  And the place was packed!  From my perch I had a really good view of the slutty dancers on the speakers -- where can I learn to dance like that?

At some point Muffy had to pee so the group split up.  (I held purses, wraps, and cameras with varying degrees of success -- Muffy's camera got lost right around the time our hour of free drinking was up, go figure.)  Didi and Gigi went with her to find the washroom, and that was the last we saw of them for the night.  The club was so crowded that our groups never found each other again.  Eventually I got whiny (what else is new) so me and Lulu and Cece walked back to the hotel, where we totally expected to find a passed out Muffy and crew.  But they weren't there.  Being a concerned sister, Lulu decided to go back to the club and wrangle the others, and brought Cece to help.  I stayed put at the hotel.  (I mean, they're all together and they have to sleep sometime, right?)  

Also, this beast needed some ointment.

Eventually everyone made it home, some of us in better shape than others -- I'm looking at you Gigi.  Stay tuned for the recap of Saturday's (mis)adventures!