He had me at "anal probe"

Did that title catch your attention?  Yeah I thought it might!  This post is a transcript of the weirdest email exchange I've ever had.  I don't know this guy's actual name, so I'll call him... Doyle.  (Is that a real name or did I make that up?  I'm just going to go with it.)

Anyway, Doyle's online profile was a really entertaining read.  I think he wrote it as a joke, and not to actually attract dates.  I almost laughed out loud at some joke he made about alien probes.

You want to put that where?!?

I'm only telling you this so you'll understand why I bring up anal probing in one of my responses below -- I wouldn't want you to think I just pulled that topic out of nowhere like some kind of freak.  Well, I appreciate an entertaining profile as much as the next gal, so I sent Doyle a note to say I enjoyed it.  Here's the craziness that followed (and be warned, it's stupid and gets a bit raunchy):

Kiki:  Great profile! Pretty funny stuff.  :)

Doyle:  Thank you, but it wasn’t supposed to be a joke. It’s all true and now I feel like my life is a joke to you. Sad banana.

K:  In that case, I'm really sorry to hear about that anal probe. That really can't have been pleasant. I would know.

D:  Actually it wasn’t that bad, they did take me out for a movie and a dinner in a fancy restaurant before anything happened. I just don’t know why those aliens spoke French and wore those weird biker outfits and came by in a escalade instead of a UFO.
Were you anally probed by the same guys as me? Wait, I mean aliens. Did one of them have this weird scar on his left ball? ... you know what I don’t think those were aliens. I think I got roofied.

K:  Not quite the same. I was probed by a woman in a lab coat -- I mean alien in a lab coat. I didn't get a chance to see her left ball.

D:  Let me get this straight, you were anally probed by a woman in a lab coat? Where and who do you hang out with that such fun activities take place? I mean I don’t want to be probed anymore myself but If there is anal probing of woman by another woman involved I’m sure there is whole bunch of other kinky stuff happening that I could enjoy.

K:  Oh just part of the yearly physical that women have to endure. If kinky is what you're after, you can imagine what goes down when the giant speculum comes into play. *shudder*

D:  Googled speculum…got the weirdest boner...not sure if I like it. God what have you done to me? Now I’m reading about this. Might have to get one of them and tell people it’s a banana peeler and watch them try to peel a bananas with it. Thank you for this, it will bring years of joy.

K:  I'm really happy to have introduced you to speculums. Speculi? I'm noticing you may have a thing for bananas. I'm trying not to put a Freudian lens on it.

D:  Hey it was just a phase in college, Ive moved on since then. Bananas are now only eaten as a part of a smoothie and no hairy fruits such as kiwis and peaches go anywhere near my mouth.
Also please stop analyzing me before you expose me for the fraud I am. I am not even a man, I’m actually a pony that got hold of a laptop and managed to crack the zoo’s wifi network.

K:  That makes you the second smartest pony I know.

...Well that's how I left it.  Really didn't know what else to say.  Just thought I'd share that bit of silliness!  It's a slow blog day.