Whirlwind Romance

This summer got off to quite a start, dating-wise.  I met some very interesting characters, though none that I really cared to meet again.  (The most memorable is probably the Irishman who was completely devoid of a personality or sense of humour -- how is that even possible?  Can't you get kicked out of Ireland for that?)  We're into the end of summer now, as much as I hate the thought, and I think I may have just experienced the closest thing I'm going to get this year to a summer fling.  Let me start from the beginning...

Just over a month ago I made the mistake of meeting an ex for a drink.  He wasn't a significant ex - we only dated briefly in 2010 - so I thought nothing of getting back in touch.  This turned out to be a mistake.  A funny thing happens when you reconnect with someone from your past.  You can fall into an easy intimacy, if you're not careful, just out of an old familiarity.  Well, I guess I wasn't careful.  About a week after that, while I was still trying to sort out my feelings about him -- Do I like him, or did I just like remembering what a relationship feels like?  Could there be potential here? -- Oh the moping I did!  And while I was moping, I met someone.

Naim is not someone I would have emailed first, if I came across his dating profile.  Not because it was bad, but because there was nothing that especially grabbed me.  So when Naim emailed on a Sunday to suggest we meet, I think I only agreed because he seemed nice enough, and because I needed to get outside and stop mulling over my thoughts.  I suggested we meet near my place and take my dog Winston to the park.  (Yes, I was taking a cue from the romantic comedy 'Must Love Dogs'.  It's smart, really -- dog antics are great conversation filler!)

My first impression of Naim was that he was handsome, with a great smile, and an adorable French accent.  We talked in the park for a while, and although I can't say I really connected with him, I liked his optimism.  Also, I found it fascinating to hear the perspective of someone who grew up in a part of the world so different from here.  When we left the park, I didn't expect to hear from him again.  But I did.  Immediately!  A few hours later he wanted to see a movie.  I didn't feel like going out so I invited him over to watch something on Netflix.  Now, a word of dating advice, if I may?  Maybe watch something that makes you want to get closer on the couch.  Don't do what we did and put on Braveheart for God's sake.

Our movie date was nice, but again, I didn't feel a major connection.  At this point you're probably wondering if I mistitled this blog post.  Well here comes the romance bit.  A few days later, we met again -- actually it was more like he invited himself over to my house -- and just talked for a good long time about anything and everything.  That's when something clicked for us, and I started rethinking my decision to put Naim in the 'friend zone'.  I'm guessing he felt the same, because from that moment on we were inseparable. 

Things with us moved forward at a frightening pace.  I found myself developing feelings that I haven't felt in years, and it was totally terrifying.  But also fun and exciting!  We were exchanging sappy texts that ordinarily would make me roll my eyes and take an antacid, but for some reason it felt totally natural.  Now, I want to state upfront that I tried to keep perspective about the newness of the thing, and not get ahead of myself.  I was not about to lose my head completely over someone I just met!  But brain-melting levels of sexual chemistry, combined with constant flattery and praise for my kindness and beauty and intelligence and.... and you can see how perspective might go out the window.

Oh, I lost my head.  And it only took a few weeks!  I went from indifference to fantasizing about taking down my dating profile in an embarrassingly short number of days.  Let me just clarify, though, that I was taking cues from him, lest you think I gave my heart away without any thought of self-preservation.  Naim left a toothbrush at my place after a week, when it became obvious he was no longer going to be sleeping at his place, and said all sorts of "we" things -- you know, like "we should go here", "we should do this", and other sort of future-tense, coupley phrases.  Even cheesy things like "I want to hold you forever".  Who says that in real life??  Anyway, we seemed to be on the same page -- moving forward, but both scared shitless of the pace.

Well, I guess one of us was a bit more scared than the other.  Naim just ended it.  Not for any particular reason, as far as I can tell, just that it didn't feel 100% right.  Mainly I'm just left with a lot of questions.  Was I wrong to think he meant those cheesy lines?  How can someone go from so hot to so cold, so fast?  (He left my apartment in the morning seeming very much in love and looking forward to baking a cake together that night, and six hours later, called to say it wasn't working out.)  Is he one of those commitment-phobic clichés who bails when the feelings start to get too real?  Exactly what percentage should feel right, based on the timeframe?

I'm never going to know the answers to those questions.  So instead, I'm focusing on what I can learn from these past few weeks that turned my heart and head upside-down.  I've learned that I am actually capable of connecting with someone both physically and emotionally -- something I was afraid wouldn't happen again, since it hasn't happened for me in so long.  I've also learned the importance of taking things slow, even if a super-fast pace feels natural.  Looking back on this short-lived, whirlwind romance, I'm not actually sure I'd do it differently.  Yes, I threw my heart out there, even despite knowing I shouldn't, and it didn't work out.  Yes I'm disappointed, and I shed a tear or two (which I hate admitting), but overall I'm feeling fine.  Strong, even.  It truly was amazing while it lasted.