Wake-up call

This morning, at around 7:45, I was woken up by my phone.  Nobody calls me that early, so I was really startled.  Also, it was from a blocked number.  It turns out, it was a woman on the verge of tears, who wanted to know how I knew Doug.  Thus began a very dramatic morning.

I confessed that I hadn't met Doug yet, but we met on a dating site, and were supposed to go for coffee this evening.  She told me that she has been with Doug for two years, and they just got a puppy together.  Not only that but three months ago she uprooted her life in Alberta to move to Newfoundland to be with him.  Needless to say, she was completely distraught.

We talked on the phone for a while, and I answered all of her questions as best I could.  She asked me if I thought Doug was just looking for sex, and I had to tell her that I didn't think so -- my profile is extremely wholesome, since I don't want to be solicited for casual hook-ups.  In a way, I wish I could have told her he was just looking for sex.  Maybe it would have been easier to understand, and feel like less of a betrayal.

She was determined to confront Doug with evidence and catch him in his lies, so I did everything she asked of me.  Women need to stick together in these situations.  I sent her a screen shot of Doug's dating profile and the emails we exchanged, which included dates and times that he said he was available to meet.

She called me again after she talked to Doug, and said that Doug was lying about being on the site, and claimed someone 'hacked' his account.  She knew this was ridiculous, but wanted to warn me that Doug might try and get in touch.  (He never did, he just deleted his account off of Plenty of Fish.)

What's interesting is that this isn't the first time I've heard of a man in a relationship using a dating site to meet women, and then when caught, claiming his account was 'hacked'.  What's amazing to me is that someone thinks their partner is going to believe that.  What would a hacker gain by using someone else's email address to create a dating profile?


Anyway, I hope Doug's girlfriend gets the hell out of there, and takes her puppy with her.  She seems like an absolutely lovely woman, who just happened to hitch her wagon to a cheating jerk.  If she wasn't in Newfoundland, I would totally take her out for a fancy coffee and a pep talk.  I really hope she makes the smart decision and dumps his ass.  From our texts back and forth, that's the decision I'd like to think she'll take.  She seemed to have a feeling Doug had done this before.  I guess one of the lessons to learn from her is to trust your gut.


This whole thing is really eye-opening.  What happened to her could happen to any of us.  So how can we avoid getting into a similar mess?  I'll admit I don't have all the answers, but after navigating the rough waters of the online dating seas for a while now, here are a few rules I've come up with to steer clear of men like Doug:

1. Don't trust a guy who won't give you his phone number.  (Skype or MSN is not a suitable substitute.)
2. Everyone is busy, but a guy who will only call you back really late at night (or can't return your call within a day) is likely sneaking around.
3. Be wary of men who say they have to travel a lot for work.  (This rule comes courtesy of Doug, who attempted to have a girlfriend in every city.)

Would you add any rules to this list?