Online shopping for a date

Most of you reading this probably know that I love online shopping.  It's the ultimate shopping experience for people who hate schlepping through overheated malls, and for those who enjoy getting stuff in the mail.  I get really excited when something is addressed to me and it's not a bill -- or Mount Sinai Hospital trying to make me feel charitable because they removed my appendix back in '08 and a "thank you" wasn't enough.

Anyway, searching for a date on a website is a lot like browsing an online store.  If you don't know exactly what you're looking for, you can just browse until you find something that catches your eye.  If you do know what you're looking for, you can do a really detailed database search with multiple filters and a taxonomy, then narrow the scope and then -- voila!  Add to cart.


Last night I realized that I have no dates lined up, and I'm not communicating with anyone at the moment.  This is just bad for the blog.  Basically I realized I had to get to shopping for a date, if for no other reason than I need stuff to write about!

So I rolled up my sleeves and got down to the business of conducting an Advanced Search on OkCupid.  After an hour or so of browsing (and watching Misfits, obviously) I had send out a giant batch of messages.  And what did I get back?  One email.  SO discouraging.

But then again, the email I got from Jeremy was actually really well-written and funny.  (I'll take one of those over eight "yo baby wazzup" emails any day.)  Jeremy is a bit older, he's 38, an avid biker -- the pedal kind, not the Sons of Anarchy kind -- and he seems to share my love of breakfast cereal.  He mentioned in his profile how much he loves the new fruity cheerios and I had an immediate "Add to cart" moment. 

 Although I must say, the Walmart brand of ghetto Fruit Spins are actually much tastier.  Admitting to being a bargain basement cereal shopper seems to be more like...what, 4th date material? 

So to sum it up, trying to find a date online is a lot like trying to find that perfect little black dress on Overstock.com.  There's lots to choose from, but the quality varies, and if you're not careful you'll end up getting something in the mail that you immediately regret buying and you paid a substantial duty fee on it and it was final sale only so you're stuck with something that looks more like a sequined bathrobe than a little black dress....

No?  Just me?  Well you get the idea.